ramblings... a working title — Friday, January 25, 2008

hello again friends! just a warning, some of my blogs will have some points to them, others will not. this one might be the latter. my job is going as well as ever. being recognized for your skills and talents is wonderful. the important thing is to have a slice of that humble pie once in a while to keep ourselves in check. atleast, that's what i try to do. there is a difference between confidence and cockiness.

there are times in my life where i do feel like an outcast, that i was born in the wrong time period. has that happened to any of you? the world is full of so much crap. violence, abuse (emotional and physical), drugs, adultry, molestation, "war", gas prices, politics, wacky sex acts and organized religion. the lack of standards by people is quite disturbing. as people, we want to "fit in", listen to the cool music, understand the "in" writers and poets. we generally want to be "cool" and just "get it". we want acceptance and sometimes we'll do certain things (some of us will do anything) we normally wouldn't do to feel that brief moment of acceptance. we are a society built on fear and guilt. "you better do this or you'll go to hell" okay, that's too far the other way. i'm sure you've heard that moderation is the key to life. that is so true.

my art has suffered as of late. i'm calling it art again without quotes. i was questioning my own artistic ability in a previous blog but, no more. i was forgetting that art is subjective and screw the rest of them. i want to draw again without fear. like when i was 7 and i just drew what i wanted and never worried about it being good or bad. creation!! the creative process can be the ultimate high. i feel it has the potential to be the closest thing to parenthood if you let it. think about it, building something from scratch and mold it as if you would your child. with your personality, style and charisma. whether you draw or paint or scrapbook, be creative. it's a gift. a wonderful gift. your gift. don't let people cut you down. i get afraid people won't like what i put down on the paper. i've lost what it means to create. i'm working hard to change that and be comfortable in my own skin artisically again.

in my line of work, i've had people get very emotional, in a good way, about my book covers. on the other side, i've had people ask for my resignation to put it politely. the one thing i can come away from that, aside from an ever thickening hide, is the fact that i tried to give them my best. that's all i can ever do. never be upset with good intentions. care about getting better. set the bar higher. want more for yourself. don't be satisfied. but, never forget to enjoy your life. it's great to have goals, but getting lost in them is horrible. that's where the moderation comes in i spoke of previously. i don't get upset with people screwing up, if they really try and care about what they are doing. it's the people that intentionally try to hurt you or mess you up that are jerks.

on to baseball... my beloved st. louis cardinals are officially cleaning house. some of the best players i've enjoyed seeing play over the past several years are gone. david eckstein, jim edmonds and scott rolen to name a few. i have shirts of all 3. i'll still wear them because they are a perminent part of the franchise lore. the 2006 championship team cememented that. from a business standpoint, i see why they've let everyone go. edmonds is a concussion away from retirement and hopefully wil get a job in the booth unless that concussion word happens this next season in san diego. he'll be a natural. scott rolen's shoulder might send him to early retirement and eckstein just signed somewhere else. odd that toronto will have rolen and eckstein in the infield. i think the cards are trying to stock pile draft picks and money so they can get another competitve roster before pujols gets too old. pujols will play into his earlt 40's in my opinion. i feel we are watching the resurrection of an edgar martinez of sorts. pujols just gets better at swinging the bat. he won't have the power at 40 that he does now, nor will he be able to hit like tony gwynn but, i could still see him a tough out DH down the road for a contender. maybe get him another ring while he's at it. he's 28 and already had a shot a 2 rings and has won one. wait-n-see.

thanks again for listening... err. reading... more later....

Heath Ledger — Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The sad news was passed along to me today that Heath Ledger has died. Suspicions of drug OD are out there. To some, he was just eye candy that made every woman want him. The real tragedy is that a wonderfully versatile actor, husband and (the worst part) a father. instead of wondering whether his role in the batman movie was completed, just celebrate his contributions to the silver screen and how revered he was in the industry. to be honest, i really don't know much about him but, i can tell by people's reactions and my opinion's of the films i did see him in, he will be missed. from what i could tell, he didn't fall into the "pretty boy" model, much like Johnny Depp, he cared about doing roles that meant something and he didn't mind getting his hands dirty doing it. Bottom line, it is quite sad to lose such a creative person.

RIP

just another day... Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I've come along way since i've turned 30. allot has happened to me. good and bad. i feel i've grown artistically but, on the flip side i feel i've come to some horrible realizations. i'm afraid of success and failure. that may be kinda hard to understand. i have trouble with it myself. if i have sucess, then i'm afraid i won't have it very long so i don't get to enjoy it as much as next next person might. if i fail, then it just fuels my doubts when i do suceed. wierd i know.

i've made my art reputation on drawing stuff from photographs. as much as it takes talent to have an eye for composition and layout. i can't really call myself an actual artist. someone that can make something from scratch without reference or much of one. i love to draw comic book characters. i grew up wanting to be a comic book illustrator. i look back on stuff now and realize that i'm just a mish-mash of other people's style. nothing of my own. my favorite quote when it comes to art is simply this... "An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail." i've never heard the truth spoken so loud and clear in my opinion.

i'm at a wierd crossroads with my artistic life. the main thing that artists want in my opinion, is respect for what they do. it's awesome to get compliments from people. but, it means so much more when you get complimented by your peers. the average person (i mean artistically) is always amazed to see someone do something they can't or don't want to do. i do it too to people who possess gifts i don't. i try to enjoy the creative process but, i have a drive and stubborness to be the best at what i do. i stay humble to stay focused. i've seen all sorts of artistic people in my life from the humble to the down right arrogant. design and art are two different beasts but, it takes talent and skill to do both. as talented as i was told i was growing up, i still had to work at it allot. it just came easier to me than most i was around. i always wanted to help people learn if they wanted and never talk down to them becasue i was once that nervous kid afraid to ask questions. art should be fun and whether i'm a full blown "artist" is irrelevant to me. i know what i can do and i know what i'd like to do. i could care less what the arrogant art people think. i grew tired of their arrogance in college when i was a fine arts major. let's make this clear that i AM generalizing and DO NOT in any way shape or form think all artistic people are like this. nowhere close. i'm just venting about something i wanted to get off my chest since i was in college almost 15 years ago. i loved my classmates and the love for art they brought from their different backgrounds. they never judged, they were just able to "BE". people try to place opinons as facts in a very subjective art world. i'd like to see a world where people can create more without some art snob huffing and rolling their eyes. grow up.... thanks for listening friends....

Blog wackiness

Hello friends, co-workers, etc….! I've come to some realizations about myself and have decided to do a regular blog. I know that I talk people's arm's off about stuff they could care less about and analyze things until they no longer have a heartbeat. This blog allows my friends the OPTION to see what's on my mind and I still feel like I'm getting heard. Nice compromise I think. I wrote a blog the other night and I felt better about the little stresses I've had building up for a while. I felt allot better actually. I can just write without someone staring at their watch or tapping their foot trying to figure out how to change the subject. It's great. I probably won't be writing everyday. I'm sure I'll go through streaks with my world famous tangents. If we can't laugh at ourselves then who can we laugh at? it's a good way to stay humble. I'll be writing more later if your interested….