Friends. I think we grow up with the expectation that friends are or should be forever. When they aren’t, we get resentful and sometimes angry. “why haven’t they called?” “why haven’t they e-mailed?” “why don’t they make an effort to connect?”. Questions that have crossed all of our minds over our life. I used to get upset with friends for making me ask those questions. But, I’ve come to a better conclusion. Friends are not always meant to stay with us “forever”.
This poem that I’ve found really is beautifully written and puts friends and our relationships with them into perspective:
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Friday, July 15, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Did you find who you were looking for?
“Did you find who you were looking for?” The librarian asked…. It took me 34 years to answer her. I spent the heart of my childhood, ages three to thirteen, in a town called Plainfield, Indiana. I was one of the less popular people in my class to put it mildly. My family was wonderful and I really had everything I could ever need or want. A small handful of friends. My drawing ability helped me a bit but, for the most part, I was an outcast amongst my classmates. Socially awkward, chubby and un-athletic. Not a good combo when you’re trying to impress people. Plus, if you haven’t heard, ridicule is contagious in the ranks of elementary school. If one group doesn’t like you, just wait, they’ll bring more.
After year ten, the news came that we were leaving. Optimism washed over me that I would get a fresh start and try to gain acceptance with a very different group of people in a very different place. I left feeling there was unfinished business, a desire to prove my worth to people who couldn’t care less. It was difficult but, I buried that desire and left Plainfield without looking back. Done.
I was bound for a small river town about 40 minutes south called Spencer, Indiana. I knew nothing about this town except for the fact that we were moving there effective immediately. I was scared to death on my first day of school. It’s amazing how much we crave the devil we know over the devil we don’t know. A whole building full of people I didn’t recognize. It was the first time in my life that I recognized no one. I stayed in the corner and sketched simply because it was the only familiar thing I could do until I calmed down. The ol’ pencil and paper was always there to listen. It may not tell you what you want to hear sometimes but, it’s always there and always honest.
I was so jaded from my previous stomping grounds that I suspected people to be up to no good simply for saying “hello”. I was waiting for the bus on my first fog filled august morning, and every car that passed me by, waved hello. I have never seen anyone do that, ever. People were very neighborly and they genuinely took care of each other. I witnessed this both personally and from afar. It was a display of the human spirit that I rarely was exposed to. Almost found exclusively in movies, adding to my reluctance at first.
In Plainfield, I was a failing student. I cared less and less everyday. I felt lost. That feeling continued into Spencer as I was getting to know my new surroundings. New places, new people and new everything. It took about a year of lousy grades and adjustment for things to settle down. I almost failed the 8th grade. I was simply at the bottom of my academic efforts. I still don’t know how I passed the 8th grade. I didn’t deserve to on grades alone. Maybe I got pushed through for other reasons. I’ll never know.
Then, i went on to high school. A light bulb went off. I’d love to give credit to someone or something but, I can’t put my finger on exactly what happened to me. A transformation took place and I was an honor role student for the first time in my life. I think the secret was that I cared again. I started to rise out of the heaviness and dark clouds. I was growing up and realizing my potential and genuinely had something to look forward to for the first time in a while. Again, keep in mind, that I still had that same amazing family that I had before. What was different is that I started believing their encouragement. I started to get true friends in my life. My art was blossoming, my athleticism started showing itself, I got taller and the pounds started coming off. I was breaking free.
Even the parts of my time growing up in Spencer that were bad, turned out to be good or at least for my own good. I played baseball for the first time. I had a legitimate competitor in my art to push forward and not take things for granted. I’ve been on both sides of pain. There is pain that can destroy and pain that can inspire. I thank Spencer for the latter.
From a socially awkward, chubby and un-athletic kid to a grown man, confident in who he is and uninterested in other people’s opinions and negativity. I went back to Plainfield the other day to look at the senior yearbook of what would have been my graduating class. It was weird to see life move on without me. I felt like I was the kid who died in the car crash watching how everyone grew up and moved on. Looking how they all turned out and thinking to myself “yeah, that’s about right”. They moved on just like I did. It’s like I had two separate lives. Two separate childhoods. As much anger as I held back against many of them, I am in a place where I need to thank them. Thank them for giving me the contrast in my life to appreciate where I am and realize that the best places for those old feelings is indeed IN Plainfield.
I’ve never had such a long time to answer one question in my whole life. In reflection, my experiences have molded me into who I am today. I didn’t fully appreciate my journey until that day leaving the library. So, did I find who I was looking for? I simply smiled at the helpful librarian, said “yes”, got in my old faithful red truck and drove Home…
After year ten, the news came that we were leaving. Optimism washed over me that I would get a fresh start and try to gain acceptance with a very different group of people in a very different place. I left feeling there was unfinished business, a desire to prove my worth to people who couldn’t care less. It was difficult but, I buried that desire and left Plainfield without looking back. Done.
I was bound for a small river town about 40 minutes south called Spencer, Indiana. I knew nothing about this town except for the fact that we were moving there effective immediately. I was scared to death on my first day of school. It’s amazing how much we crave the devil we know over the devil we don’t know. A whole building full of people I didn’t recognize. It was the first time in my life that I recognized no one. I stayed in the corner and sketched simply because it was the only familiar thing I could do until I calmed down. The ol’ pencil and paper was always there to listen. It may not tell you what you want to hear sometimes but, it’s always there and always honest.
I was so jaded from my previous stomping grounds that I suspected people to be up to no good simply for saying “hello”. I was waiting for the bus on my first fog filled august morning, and every car that passed me by, waved hello. I have never seen anyone do that, ever. People were very neighborly and they genuinely took care of each other. I witnessed this both personally and from afar. It was a display of the human spirit that I rarely was exposed to. Almost found exclusively in movies, adding to my reluctance at first.
In Plainfield, I was a failing student. I cared less and less everyday. I felt lost. That feeling continued into Spencer as I was getting to know my new surroundings. New places, new people and new everything. It took about a year of lousy grades and adjustment for things to settle down. I almost failed the 8th grade. I was simply at the bottom of my academic efforts. I still don’t know how I passed the 8th grade. I didn’t deserve to on grades alone. Maybe I got pushed through for other reasons. I’ll never know.
Then, i went on to high school. A light bulb went off. I’d love to give credit to someone or something but, I can’t put my finger on exactly what happened to me. A transformation took place and I was an honor role student for the first time in my life. I think the secret was that I cared again. I started to rise out of the heaviness and dark clouds. I was growing up and realizing my potential and genuinely had something to look forward to for the first time in a while. Again, keep in mind, that I still had that same amazing family that I had before. What was different is that I started believing their encouragement. I started to get true friends in my life. My art was blossoming, my athleticism started showing itself, I got taller and the pounds started coming off. I was breaking free.
Even the parts of my time growing up in Spencer that were bad, turned out to be good or at least for my own good. I played baseball for the first time. I had a legitimate competitor in my art to push forward and not take things for granted. I’ve been on both sides of pain. There is pain that can destroy and pain that can inspire. I thank Spencer for the latter.
From a socially awkward, chubby and un-athletic kid to a grown man, confident in who he is and uninterested in other people’s opinions and negativity. I went back to Plainfield the other day to look at the senior yearbook of what would have been my graduating class. It was weird to see life move on without me. I felt like I was the kid who died in the car crash watching how everyone grew up and moved on. Looking how they all turned out and thinking to myself “yeah, that’s about right”. They moved on just like I did. It’s like I had two separate lives. Two separate childhoods. As much anger as I held back against many of them, I am in a place where I need to thank them. Thank them for giving me the contrast in my life to appreciate where I am and realize that the best places for those old feelings is indeed IN Plainfield.
I’ve never had such a long time to answer one question in my whole life. In reflection, my experiences have molded me into who I am today. I didn’t fully appreciate my journey until that day leaving the library. So, did I find who I was looking for? I simply smiled at the helpful librarian, said “yes”, got in my old faithful red truck and drove Home…
Where is the EXACT moment?
Where is the EXACT moment? The Exact moment where your time is starting to pass you by and “potential” is running out. Without realizing it, you feel as if you are now the spectator. It turns out we have several different instances of similar realizations in our life. The moment where you realize that you are about where you are going to be in life and the big dreams are meant for someone else and you’re just to far behind. Is it squandered opportunities or part of our ultimate life path? You’re struggling to find your purpose or at least your place in life. It’s a funny thing when finally reality and your day dreams collide. The real test we all face. The difference between us all is how we deal with it. Instead of true “success” I think what we are really searching for is contentment. It doesn’t matter what we’re happy about as long as we’re happy. Happiness is strictly defined by the person not the masses. We tend to forget that. We tend to measure success by someone else’s reaction. I find myself envying people not so much for their success but, their happiness. They are happy with their success that they have defined which, is the true meaning of inner peace.
Sadly, the biggest success is defined by who has the biggest audience. This can be misleading and unfair. We live in a world that puts reality TV “stars” up higher on the food chain than a teacher for special needs children or a firefighter or member of our military. Our perception of success is skewed from our very first days. Some of us figure it out, some of us will continue to search and the rest of us will never find it. We struggle with definitions of ourselves in society. What we are really looking for is to have an inner peace with who we are and our connection with everything else. My skewed idea of success and the reality of it collide on a daily basis.
We’ve all accepted awards and accolades with the best of them behind shower curtains or given wonderful speeches to our steering wheel. There is a peak of acceptance within us. Once we’ve reached it, we look in three directions: down, straight ahead and up. Sadly, we judge our self worth on the direction with the least amount of letters. We obsess over how other people are climbing through life. We pay to much attention to the peak of the mountain but, the true beauty is in the journey.
As for the peak, here’s to hoping I keep climbing and never find it….
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