“It’s just a animal”

“It’s just a animal”

Saturday, February 25th, 2012

“it’s just an animal” How often do you hear people say that? I’ve heard that off and on throughout my whole life. It’s sad for many reasons but, mainly it’s sad because of the lack of respect it brings along with it. I’ve discovered that animals have as much personality as you let them have and my Tilly was no exception. I was told she was found on top of a pop machine as a baby. She was originally adopted to give to my mom by someone I was with at the time. Bizarre to me that you would adopt a cat and say “Here you go! Something else to feed!” My mom politely said “No thank you” and we officially had a little skiddish black cat that I named Matilda, Tilly for short.

Pets can truly choose us just as much as we choose them. Tilly chose me. Even in a divorce there was no way in hell that cat was leaving my side. I was her pappa. Our journey together has gone through so many twists and turns and at 5 pounds, in optimal health, she had more spunk and fire in her than any cat double or triple her size. Her back end didn’t quite work right so she walked like she was drunk at times. She was definitely a runt which to me, made her more endearing .She loved to play string, laser lights, belly rubs, resting her head on my shoulder, sitting in my chair, sleeping on my side of the bed and howling just to get my attention. My favorite trick of hers was to go to the closed studio door and act like she wanted out only to use that as a diversion to run back and snag my seat. She worked me like a puppet. “it’s just an animal”… yeah, go ahead and keep thinking that.

Today was one of the roughest days of my life. I lost one of my very best friends. Animals know when you’ve had a bad day, when you’re sick, when you are stressed, when you need a laugh, when you need a cry, they are simply there. They don’t judge you, they just love you and that’s one of the many things I’ll miss about my precious girl. The joy she brought in my life. The guilt of not paying enough attention to her when I’ve been preoccupied. The laughter and the love that she brought into our home. What gets me through is knowing that I’ve not seen the last of her, she’ll always be in my heart but, I’ll see her again someday. She’s no longer in pain and it does my heart good to know that. She went peacefully and with love. I held onto her through her last breath. I owed her that and so much more.

I’m not one of those people that will “never adopt again” after a tragic loss. Tilly will never be replaced but, other animals will need me and there are new adventures to be had. If I lived by the “never adopt again” rule after a tragic loss, I wouldn’t have had the privilege of being a poppa to Tilly. RIP sweet girl…

Finding our place(s) in life

Most of us have gone through ups and down professionally and personally. I was once a prominent resource for my employer, full of knowledge and expertise and called on for just that. Now, I’ve been marginalized for reasons I don’t know. When we slip on ice, it happens so fast we have no idea how we got on the ground. This type of fall is way more painful as it’s pretty much a slow death. It always sucks to fall down but, it’s even worse when it’s slow enough for you to witness first hand.

It also stinks when it’s time to leave and you have no way out. Jobs are a bit scarce and it’s almost like they are daring you everyday to leave, almost praying for it and for no good reason. You search for exactly why you are being treated this way and so undervalued. You’ve come up with countless solutions to help them. All to be ignored and slighted.

There is something more to all of this. When things like this happen, it means you’ve overstayed your welcome. Not so much with that place or with those people but, with THAT moment in your life. It’s like life is nudging you in a certain direction but, you aren’t sure whether to go or not. You missed the bus and life is trying to tell you when the next one is. When life gives us advice, it tends to speak in multiple languages. If we aren’t listening for the right one, we miss the message altogether.

It’s difficult to be in a place where you know you’re only using about 25% of your potential. Not because you are being lazy but, because you simply aren’t allowed to. I’ve realized more and more that it isn’t so much their fault for misusing or undervaluing me rather than my fault for not directing my energy where it can help my path in life. To find a greater, more satisfying existence and purpose. We all need to keep in mind that we really aren’t here that long on this earth and wasting energy on people and places that simply don’t care about us is disrespectful to our soul and life in general. If we focus more on ourselves, the rest will take care of itself. We deserve better and it’s out there for all of us if we hurry and catch that bus…